// Who would have known that mono could teach me so much about myself AND God?//

Having mono has been a curse and a blessing. I may sound like a crazy person saying that having mono, a terrible sickness that never leaves your body once you have it, could be a blessing, but in these past 11 days of being stuck in my house I’ve learned SO much! I have come to realize that rest is a good thing, that I need rest all the time for me to be so happy! I haven’t been this happy in so long, SO long. I’ve also realized that I haven’t been giving God my all. Yes, I go to church every Sunday, (and enjoy the time when I’m there), I volunteer in three different ministries and guest services, I ‘serve’ God on a weekly basis, but I’m not truly serving Him. I’ve come to realize that I’m working so much because I feel obligated to work within all of the places I have before. Serving is never supposed to be something one feels obligated to do. When serving, your own heart has to be in the right place before you can impact the hearts of others, and let me be the first to tell you that my heart isn’t exactly always in the right place. I’m making MAJOR changes in my life, and I couldn’t be happier with the way God is working in and around me right now. I’m all sentimental and I just want everyone to know how much I love and appreciate them! AH LIFE IS SO GOOD!:):):):)

// Stresssssssss.//

I’m about to rant, read if you want. But you’ll probably just get annoyed if you do…

- I have four mission trips/ retreats that I am saving up for, totaling $1,635… I’m jobless… My only source of income is babysitting, and that isn’t very consistent…

- March 6th, 7th, and 8th, are the days of the ACT and I HAVE to do good on the ACT for me to have a chance of going to college…

- My road test is March 9th… Yes, the day after three days of ACT testing… Can anyone say stress week? I can….

- Now, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays all have set weekly plans. My only free days are Fridays, and Saturdays. I am so incredibly worried about how I am going to manage school and being busy 5 out the 7 days of the week, not to mention that Monday through Friday I have school. Really, the only day that I’m not doing anything is Saturdays. My life…..

-God is testing my patience on a whole new level lately, and it is really stressing me out.

- I literally can’t cry anymore. I know that sounds weird, no one wants to cry, but I literally can’t. It’s like I’m numb to everything around me. I feel like I would feel better if I could cry but I simply can’t. I think I broke my tear ducts.

- Everyone in my life is ditching me for one reason or another. I get blown off on a daily basis and it is really starting to get to me. What ever happened to reliability?

ASDKFHASDKGBNASDG. Okay, I’m done ranting. If someone would like to come give me a hug and tell me that they still love me, I wouldn’t be opposed to that at all… :(

// I think I’m broken.//

Where did my emotions go? I’m numb. Incredibly numb. I don’t know why this is happening to me, but I wish I did. I wish I knew what was going on with my life. I wish I knew God’s plan. I wish I was happy.

// Caffeinated Thoughts.//

I’ve had three cups of coffee today. THREE CUPS. But here, I will spill my brain onto this blog where you are able to read, or simply scroll past.

1. I am so incredibly in love with Jesus that I can’t even express to you how much I love Him. I’ve been listening to worship music all day, and listening, truly listening to the words of these songs makes me realize how thankful and blessed and just everything that I am!

1231244. I want to share the Gospel. I want to scream it from the mountain tops. I want everyone to know they are loved. Loved so much that God sent His only Son for them. I just wish everyone knew that!

8640956. Tomorrow is my birthday. I’m going to be 17. I’m getting older, and I don’t know how I feel about it… I like that I am, but with that being said, I’m scared to grow up. But I have a God who provides so I’ll be okay:)

45234. I have WONDERFUL people in my life. People that will talk with me about Jesus, not at me. People who will help me grow and not reprimand me for not knowing something.

430953. I think God is showing me what He wants me to do, and I couldn’t be more excited about it!

592094. I want to pray with people. Like I literally just want to pray with a group of people. A big group where we all hold hands and just wholeheartdly love our God together. WANT WANT WANT.

124. I have so much caffeine in my system that I literally never want to sleep…. Sleep is for the weak! \m/ lol jk.

9593. I’m incredibly thankful. I just want that to be known.

593. People confuse the living poop outta me.

59302. Jesus is enough. Simple as that. I don’t, I repeat don’t need a boy in my life, because all I need right now is Jesus. Yep:)

49245634563456. This is a pointless blog and I’m sorry to everyone who has read this far… I’m not interesting. hahaha

Okay, I’m going nowhere. I love God. I just want that to be known. That is all:) Goodnight! Last blog as a 16 year old! YYEAAAHHH. growing up ftw!

// Why?//

I’m a genuinely happy person. That’s obvious. But lately, I’m losing hope. I’m not happy. I feel like everything I’m doing is wrong. I don’t feel God near me anymore. I don’t even feel Him when I’m in nature, and that’s how I relate to Him best. I miss the feeling of knowing that Jesus is always with me. I miss being happy, because right now, I feel like I’m losing everything and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Why do I feel like this?

Help me Father, I need you now more than ever.